


i shot for the sky. i'm stuck on the ground.

by Just_A_Small_Town_Girl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 10:49:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4345652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_A_Small_Town_Girl/pseuds/Just_A_Small_Town_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fear or be feared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i shot for the sky. i'm stuck on the ground.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, staring into my eyes like he’s trying to read me, trying to telepathically ask me the real question that hangs in the air: Why’d you do it?  
“I wouldn’t know.” I mutter, eyes looking anywhere but his, up, down, left, right. Trying to avoid his stare like I avoided my feelings for all these years. My hands were shaking, I was so cold. I was so cold and I needed someone to take that away from me. To take away my cold, unhappiness and fill me with joy and warmth.  
“Harry, the way he died was no ones fault, it was-“He started with that oh so sorrowful expression and that sad tone that made me feel like I was back in the past and not living in the present.  
“Cut the bullshit. You don’t know what went down that night, you don’t understand. I watched him die. I watched him slip in and out of consciousness with his stomach spewing blood everywhere, I heard his breath dying out, the way that his eyes wouldn’t focus. I saw how he died and it was not beautiful.” For a second I slipped into the past, remembering those green eyes and his smile, that smile that would take up half his face and the way his eyes would crinkle at the corners. But those eyes don’t crinkle now, and that smile doesn’t take up half his face because there is no smile at all. He is not smiling and he is not laughing because you don’t laugh in hell.  
“Harry, Lee’s death was tragic, but you are not to blame for that. Billions of people are already dead. You need to be thankful that you survived that. You and me? We’re gonna make it. I promise.” Niall said to me. He stood up from his seat on the log in the woods and grabbed his gun.  
“I’m not thankful.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“I’m not thankful for surviving. You don’t know how bad I wish I would’ve died in that attack.” The words just flowed out of me, I didn’t think about them, I don’t think about much these days. Niall looks at me in that way again, walks a few steps, grabs me and pulls me into a hug.  
Don’t say that, Harry.” He pleades, the eyes just like Lee’s were filled with sadness and tears, “Don’t you ever say that. I love you, Harry, okay? I’ve loved you longer than Lee ever has, and mom and dad? They love you too, doesn’t matter if they’re not here anymore. I’ve lost people too, and you can’t let that take away your will to live.”  
I look at him, really look at him, I see the dirt and grease in his hair, the blood stained shirt that he stole off of some dead man in the street, he doesn’t look fifteen, he doesn’t look like the annoying little brother I have told I hated my entire life. He looked like a completely different person, more grown up. I reach down to grab my gun and bag from the ground. I lift the bag onto my back, and start walking.  
“You coming?” I say without looking back.

We walked for about a mile or two without saying anything, just feeling. It’s hard to remember how to feel these days after the world went to shit. My boots were getting too small, they gave me blisters when we went on runs for supplies. My jeans were skin tight, but that’s how I like them, easier to run. Niall’s eyes kept squinting in the sunlight, his hair blowing in the wind, he clutched onto his gun tightly, finger close to the trigger. He used to be afraid of guns, he also used to be able to run three miles without breaking a sweat, but ever since the attack, things have changed. When it all happened, Niall was running through houses, looking for weapons, someone obviously got scared and shot him in the chest, just missing his heart. A man who lived down the street from us saved him, but he said that his lungs are damaged permenantly and he will never breathe the same. Ever since that day, Niall isn’t as fast as he once was. It’s scary to think that the boy who won three track tournaments in one day is also the boy who now can barely keep up with our group.  
Karmas a bitch, I guess.  
“I need to- I need to stop.” He says and sits in the middle of the road. I nod to him and sit down too. I opened my bag and snatched out some granola bars. He grabs it thankfully and takes a bite, “These taste like shit, Harry.” He laughs that laugh. It sounds like Lee’s but I don’t think about that.  
“Okay, well you can go find something to eat in the-“ I start but fail to finish as I hear gunshots going off. Niall covers his ears and looks at me fearfully. “Come one, we need to go.” I give him a hand up and we hurry into the trees. The gunshots get louder as they get closer and my heart is beating so hard and so fast that I can’t think straight. Niall is saying something to me but I can’t hear him over the sound of my heart pounding. Someone makes a noise behind us and before I can even look, a girl jumps on Niall’s back, squealing with joy. We then see the rest of our group walking steadily behind her, guns in hand.  
“You realize that in a real life situation like that you’d both be dead.” Louis chuckles a he reloads another round into his shotgun.  
“Lydia, you scared the crap out of us!” Niall says, plopping in the ground. He runs a hand through his hair and I hear the rest of our group coming. Lydia runs to her dad and jumps into his arms, I suddenly feel sorrowful that Lydia has to grow up in a world gone mad. She’s only four, she never knew a world that wasn’t like this. She never knew that it wasn’t always like this. She never knew that you used to be able to laugh and yell and scream without the constant fear that someone will get you. That you used to be given food every night by your parents, and that life wasn’t just about surviving, it was about living.  
The rest of our group Nialle along and we started walking back to base. There was no laughter and no smiles. It was hard to remember what it was like to be free from all this, I was only 14 when it all happened, Niall was 11. We picked up most of our group along the way, Louis and his dad and sister were the only ones that have been with us from the beginning. Their mom died when it all went down, she was at the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess. The Torrez’ joined our little group when they offered us to stay with them at their Niallp. And Josh and Lynn and their two kids Jordyn, who was 5, and Jameson, who was just recently born. We have others, but none who I really care about.  
That’s it. That’s our group.  
We lost some along the way, Kylie, Mr. Hanson, Mom and Dad, Lee. I push his name out of my mind, it makes me sad and when I’m sad I can’t function.  
My feet crunch against the gravel road as I approach our base. I walk quietly into Niall’s and my trailer and plop down on the couch. I sigh loudly into my hand, wishing that it would all just end. Everything.  
Niall walks in and has a big smile on his face, it darkens as he sees my saddened expression, “What’s wrong, Harry?” He asks, looking through his bag.  
“Just tired.”  
“Well you can lie down, I’ll do watch for you tonight, no problem.” He offers. That’s the thing about Niall, he always puts others before himself. He won’t sleep for days just to make sure that everyone is okay and safe. It’s gonna get him killed someday.  
“Not that kind of tired, just tired. Of living this kind of life.” I whisper the last part, as if im trying to just not be heard, to not be noticed.  
“Harry, stop.” That’s all he says before he stumbles out the door to the post where I was supposed to be.  
I stuff the pillow in my face and basically try to suffocate myself until I heard what sounds like a girl screaming, a gunshot, and then I saw fire and I was out. 

 

__

I wake up not knowing where I am or who I am.  
My head feels like I took a sledgehammer to the skull, my arms are burned, my legs feel numb. I am hot, I am sweating. That’s all I could take in. My brain felt like it was a blender, I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t comprehend where I was or what happened. I tried to stand up, but failed miserably as my hand has pieces of glass from the window in it. An arm grabs me around the waist and picks me up. I swing an arm around my saviors shoulder and he keeps hold on my middle. We trip out of what was left of our trailer and drop to the ground.  
“What the-“ Is all I get out before another explosion happens and I feel fire and I’m out again.  
I come to again not knowing where I am.  
I am laying in what I’m guessing is the woods, I see trees and bushes and I hear the birds in the distance, but my mind won’t focus and all I feel is pain pain pain. I can’t feel my legs and all I see is trees and more trees and then dark and more dark.  
I wake up for the third time and I feel less pain but it’s still there. I am being lifted, someone is carrying me. Then I am being laid down again on something soft. I hear voices and whispering but I am unable to make out what they are saying. I feel a wet cloth being pressed to my forehead. I open my eyes.  
“Rise and shine, babyboy!” A dark skinned woman says (more like shouts) to me. Her hair is tied into a bun and a colorful bandana wrapped around her head. She looks in her mid 30s early 40s. She grabs a metal plate and starts pulling the pieces of glass out of my hand and setting them on the plate. “When I first saw you lyin’ there in them woods, I though ‘Damn! This chick is a gonner!’, but you proved me wrong, baby! My name’s Melissa by the way, and that handsome young man of yours, Louis? Oh what a sweetheart he is! Went to go find if there are any others of your group who made it.” She says those words so joyfully and non-chalantly, as if this whole thing in a joke.  
“Where’s-where’s,” I could barely talk. My voice felt shaky and soft, like how it gets when you’re talking with your best friends at two in the morning and you don’t want your parents to hear you. Oh what I would do for that. “Where’s Niall.” It was a statement more than a question.  
“Niall? Honey, I don’t know a Niall. I love that name though, was gonna name my baby girl that, but my husband thought Joy was better. What kind of name is Joy? But that’s Bradley for you, always has to have-“  
“Where’s Niall!” I said louder than I should’ve. She looks at me startled.  
“Baby, I don’t know who Niall is.” She looked concerned, but I needed to find Niall. I grabbed onto the railing above my head and pulled myself to my feet. Melissa instantly is at my side. Trying to get me to sit back down.  
“He’s- he’s my brother. He’s 15, I need to find him, please let me find him,” I almost started crying at this point, but Louis ran in and I launched myself at him. “Louis, Louis where is everyone? Please where is everyone?” I begged him to answer.  
“Harry, I’m sorry. I went back to base and I tried to find anyone. But there wasn’t anything. All of our trailer and tents were on fire, and I couldn’t see anyone. Anyone alive at least.” He looked into my eyes and tightened his hold on me. My hands and heart were stinging. It hurt. Everything hurt. But that’s life for you, there always has to be some kind of pain.  
I pushed him away and started out the door, Melissa and Louis Nialle after me, shouting things that I couldn’t hear, or perhaps didn’t want to hear. Louis was still yelling things to me.  
I turned around, “Did you see Niall?” I screamed from a few yards away. He looked at me with sad eyes, “Did you Niall, yes or no?” I yelled once again.  
“No,”  
“Then I’m going to find him.” 

 

My legs burned with pain as I trudged on into the empty road ahead of me. I smelt smoke, but I didn’t bother to do anything because I already knew where it was coming from. ‘That is the smell of my life, burning away like paper.’ Is what I would repeatedly tell myself as I waked further and further away from the smoke, until it was nothing but a memory of what once was.  
I look into the sky and see no sun, nothing but black and white dots. The only thing that is reminding me that this is real, and it is not some dream. No matter what happens down here, the sun will still rise, and the moon will still glow. Because the solar system will, one day, be the only thing that hasn’t lost its sanity.  
I hear the sound of tires rolling on the gravel, coming from behind me. I turn around and see headlights shining bright and into my eyes. I don’t move though, I stand there. I don’t know if it’s because I’m confused or because getting run over by a jeep wouldn’t be so bad. ‘What a pathetic way to go, Harry. You survived this long and you want your departure to be by a car? Make your death tragic, yet beautiful.’ The voice in my head told me. The headlight got closer and the car swerved to the other side of the road. Louis rolled down his window yelling, “What the hell, Harry? Get in the car.” And I got in.  
The backseat was moldy and damp, it smelt faintly like blood and I realized that the dampness is probably from blood. The cracked windows around me gave me a weird sense of security, as if, even though they are cracked and weak, I could survive in here, no matter how many of come pounding away on the glass.  
“Harry-“ Louis starts, his head straight forward trying to wipe some of the blood off of the windshield for Melissa, who was driving. He doesn’t meet my eyes when he talks. I don’t blame him though, my eyes are dark and scary.  
“Don’t Louis. We are finding Niall, okay? He’s somewhere.”  
“Don’t you are about anyone else but Niall? What about Mrs. Torrez, or Jordyn, or Jameson? Don’t they matter to you, Harry? Niall isn’t the only one in our group that matters!” Louis shouts, his voice louder than he wanted it to be due to the small car. He wipes his hands over his face in a look of desperation. I stay quiet in the backseat, not wanting to make him even more angry. “Harry, Niall isn’t well. As much as you don’t want to admit it, he cannot survive out there with his condition.” Louis looks over to Melissa for some help, she gets the memo and cuts in joyfully.  
“That’s right baby, if his lungs really are that bad, then he ain’t gunna be out there alone for long!” Melissa has this odd tone to her voice, no matter what she says, it always comes out as if it’s a good thing. She looked back at Louis, silently asking him if what she said would help. I swipe a hand across my forehead, just now realizing that I was sweating like hell. I wipe my hand on the blood-dampened seat, grossing myself out.  
“You guys seriously don’t care about him that much that you don’t even want to look for him? He’s a fifteen year old boy! He’s my brother!” I scream, it seems like all I ever do now a days is scream. I try to open my side door, but its locked. I pound on the already cracked window. Screaming and yelling, all Louis does is grab my wrists and scream too. Soon its just a frenzy of yells and screams, like a sad song that is insane yet beautiful. Like us. We are a beautifully sad song on repeat.  
After my voice gives and Louis just gives altogether, I sit in the far end of the backseat and just cry and cry. I look forward at Louis and he is not crying. That makes me cry more. I read once that real emotional pain only lasts for 11 minutes, and after those 11 minutes all the sadness you feel is self brought. So I let myself cry for 11 minutes and then I abruptly stopped. I wiped my cheeks with the old sweatshirt next to me and just sat there, with my legs crossed in the seat and my forehead pressed against the window. After 6 and a half minutes I hear Melissa say from the drivers seat,  
“What is this labyrinth we’ve entered?” 

 

I woke up the next morning with the sun shining into my eyes and the smell of dust and wet surrounding me. I look at Louis in front of me, eating peaches out of a can he says, “We ran out of gas about 2 hours ago, Melissa is going to see if any of the other cars have any.” Just then I realized we were in the middle of an intersection. I wanted to tell him that we should move the car before we get hit by something, but I then remembered that what is there to get hit by?  
“Who would bomb our base?” I ask without thinking. He looks at me for a second, opens his mouth, then closes it.  
“I don’t know,” he says after a moment, “An asshole.”  
I laughed at this, surprising myself because lately there hasn’t been much to laugh about. I covered my mouth with my hand and looked away, not wanting anyone to see my smile. I was tough.  
“Whoever did it obviously wanted us out of the picture. We probably did something to them awhile ago, like stole food or killed one of theirs.” Louis speaks slowly, his eyes unfocused like Lee’s. I shake the thought from my head and look the other direction. The trees around us look dead, grey, and old. There was no feeling of beauty anywhere in a 10 mile radius.  
Melissa suddenly pulled the side door open and yelled, ‘Momma’s home, babies! And she brought gas!” She held up two containers full of gasoline. I smiled a big smile and got out of the car to help her pour it in. I grab the largest jug from her and set in on the gravel ground. I help her adjust the funnel in the gas hole of the car. As the gasoline pours in at large amounts I whisper, “We don’t have to look for him anymore,” she looks at me with more sad eyes and I add, “Its just a waste of gas, he’s probably dead, anyway.” I tell myself this multiple times, because I once heard that if you tell yourself something enough, you start to believe it. I did not start to believe it.  
“Well I think that’s enough,” Melissa says, taking the container from my hands, pulling open the hatch and setting both of them down.  
She opens the drivers seat door and sits down. Starting the egnition she says, “You comin’, baby?” I grab the handle to my door and pull it open, sitting down on the not-so-damp seat. I lean my head against the headrest, close my eyes, and try to imagine a world without pain.  
I throw my head back with laughter as I lean against Lee’s chest. I feel his breath from where my ear is pressed inbetween his two breast bones. I close my eyes and laugh some more.  
\---- “Babe? Come down stairs please.” I hear Mom yell from the kitchen. I grab Lee’s hand and walk out of the room, putting the joint out on my dresser. I skip into the kitchen, seeing Dad and Mom at the counter, looking worried.  
“What’s wrong, Mom?” I ask, looking back and forth between the two. I clutch Lee’s hand harder.  
“The government has fallen. People are going crazy, stealing, killing, burning. We need to leave as quick as possible. Go get your brother.” She says without emotion, that’s my mom for you, emotionless and to the point.  
“Mom-“ I start.  
“Now, Harry.” She demands. I pull Lee with me and run up to Niall’s room, yanking the door open and yelling at him to get his stuff.  
“Lee, you should go home. Your parents need you.” I tell him, grabbing my duffle bag and throwing clothes into it.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” he whispers in my ear.  
“Tomorrow.” I whisper back.  
And then he’s gone. \------

 

I wake up with sweat on my forehead and a wretched, ugly feeling that something awful is going to happen. I look at my surroundings and see Louis and Melissa in the front of the car, laughing.  
“And I said to him, ‘Baby, that ain’t Bekah’s house!” Melissa yells, slapping her thigh and struggling to keep her eyes on the road due to her laughing. Louis was laughing too, his eyes screwed shut and for a second I saw the real Louis. The one that laughs and smiles and is genuinely happy. His teeth were still perfectly straight, but they looked a bit yellow due to not being able to brush his teeth. He has these extremely long eyelashes, just like Niall. It basically looks like he’s wearing mascara all the time. I find myself smiling at him, admiring him. I never realized how truly beautiful he was.  
“Harry? Baby you awake, yet?” Melissa calls form the front seat. Louis turns his head to look at me and I close my eyes to make it look like I’m sleeping. He touches my shoulder and I feel something, something good.  
“Harry, wake up, you’ve been sleeping for hours,” He says with sadness.  
“Sleep is the only way to not feel pain,” I tell him, “I love to sleep.”  
Suddenly I sit up, somethings not right. I look at Louis, he stares at me with worried eyes, “Harry, are you okay?” He asks.  
“Something-somethings not right.” I say, hands touching myself to make sure this is real. I look at my hands, six fingers, I have six fingers on each hand. I look at the clock next to the passengers seat, the numbers all jumbled up. No no no, this isn’t happening.  
“You’re not real.” I half yell at Louis, “you are not real, Melissa isn’t real none of this is real, this is a dream. I am in a dream.”  
“This isn’t a dream,” Louis says, trying to grab my hand, “You’re not-“

 

My eyes open with fright, I sit up and feel excruciating pain in my back. I look to the left and see white, I look the right and see more white. I feel a stinging in my hand and see an IV piercing my vein. The heart monitor next to me beeps frantically as my heart rate rises.  
“Hello?” I scream, I yank the IV out of my skin and the heart monitors out of my chest. I jump out of the bed only to fall to the ground in pain, I grab onto the side of the hospital bed and pull myself to my feet. The white tile underneath me is freezing cold, and I wonder where my shoes are. I notice that I have multiple bandages on my feet, probably because of all the blisters and bruises I have encountered over the last four years. I open the wooden door of my hospital room and walk into the hallway. People were running everywhere, yelling in pain. Nurses and doctors tried to tend to all of them but there was not enough of them. Someone grabs my arm, they yell if I have seen their baby. I shake their arm from me and give them a glare. I do not know where I am or what has happened. I look through the window down the hall, hoping that when I see the outside, I will see happy people with nice clothes on in nice cars and just not what I have grown accustomed to in the last four years.  
I see fire.  
I see people and fire and guns and I hear gunshots and screaming and yelling. There are people pounding on the glass door, trying to get into the hospital to get medical help. I then remember Louis and Melissa and Lee and Niall and I start to cry. Big tear running down my face as I remember what has happened.  
“Melissa!” I cry out, more like scream out, “Louis!” I scream and cry and no one even gives me a second glance. I sit on the tile floor in the waiting room and cry and sob and just try not to breathe. I hear a shout of my name. I perk my head up and listen.  
“Harry!”  
I recognize that voice, I have heard it millions of times. Annoying or not.  
“Niall!” I scream. I start crying even more, “Niall! Niall!” I cannot stop saying his name, it just rolls of my tongue and I cannot stop. I jump to my feet and try to run through the crowd of people, there are so many of them and I can barely hear Niall screaming now.  
I scream at the top of my lungs, I cannot find him, I cannot see him. I can just hear him. I hear him shout again, and I stand up on top of a gurney and scan the crowd of people ahead of me. I see faces I have never seen and voices I have never heard, But as I look deep into the back of the heard, I see eyes on me. His eyes. He shouts again to me and I scream extremely loud, I jump up and down on the gurney and cry and cry and cry. I am crying to hard that I almost tripped off of the gurney. As soon as my feet hit the ground I am sprinting, through the mass of people, shoving and pushing. A woman grabs my arm and starts yelling at me but I push her off and keep sprinting, I see Niall in front of me and I jump on him, wrapping my legs around his hips and throwing my arms around his neck. He hugs me back even harder. He is crying too.  
“Why did you do that?” He yells, “Why did you leave me?” I look at him and grab his face and kiss his cheek sloppily.  
“I’m so sorry. I am so so sorry, Niall. I love you I am so sorry.” I cry to him, his shoulder is getting wet as I whisper, “I’ll never leave you again, Niall. I promise.”  
This only makes him cry harder.


End file.
